2017 04: April

<--- Facts You Never Knew You Wanted



Did you hear about the Doctor who works at a hospital located close to a bar. Every day, on his way home from work, the Doctor stops off at the bar and orders an almond daiquiri. The Barman, Richard, makes the daiquiri and eventually catches on to the routine. Richard begins to prepare the drink before the Doctor arrives. One day, Richard discovers that he has run out of almonds and time before the Doctor turns up. In desperation he grabs some hickory nuts and makes the daiquiri. The Doctor turns up, takes a sip, and says “THAT’S NOT AN ALMOND DAIQUIRI DICK” the Barman replies “NO, IT’S A HICKORY DAIQUIRI DOC”

Did you hear about the chap who had a mouse stuck in his printer?

Maybe he should try 'Siri'?

Hmmmm ... may need to go around again, folks!

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply which was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):>br>

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0, as that runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck!


<--- Facts You Never Knew You Wanted

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